Recently, we've been delving into natural strategies for dealing with anxiety—and I bring you3 mindfulness exercisesChange your relationship with anxiety and provide information aboutblanket to increase anxiety.Today is the time to address the inner critic.
when I listen to my customerstreatment course, self-criticism was widespread. Each speaks in their own words, but the theme is "I'm not good enough". When we allow our brains to hear these thoughts over and over, year after year, they begin toTo feelYes, even if they are wrong.
If you look at people who were kind to you—even when they made mistakes—and you feel envy, it's time to start developing strategies to retrain your brain and silence your inner critic.
Today I will relive oneprevious articleSilence your inner critic with 6 proven strategies. If you reach the end, you die afterTillStrategies to silence your inner critic by downloading my workbook with an easy 4-step process. Like everything else I write, it's filled with proven, evidence-based strategies to finally begin to overcome your self-criticism. I guide you step by step from self-criticism to self-acceptance. But before you start practicing, try some of these strategies.
1. Replace "good" with "good".
This strategy is especially useful when we have made a mistake or when we believe we have not met our own standards. Our brains love discrete categories – good/bad, right/wrong, smart/stupid, pretty/ugly, etc. When we make mistakes, we can quickly go from thinking we're "good" at something to thinking we are "bad". For example, you're 5 minutes late picking up your kids from soccer practice and suddenly you're a "bad" mom. Or you discover a typo in an email to your boss and suddenly you're "stupid". Don't go for the "bad", try the "good".
- I am a "good" mother,
- I'm good at finding spelling mistakes,
- I'm a good friend",
- I am a "nice" housewife,
- I am good at returning calls.
This rewriting allows us to make mistakes, but still acknowledges the way we meet our own standards and expectations.
2. When you scold yourself or say bad words to yourself,Replace "I" with "he/she".
For example,
- "I can't do anything right" → "She can't do anything right."
- "I'm completely broke" → "He's at the bottom."
Most of the time, we immediately realize that these doubts are that we want tosem chanceSpeaking of another. What is so special about you that you should talk to yourself differently than you would talk to other people? If you are not special, talk to yourself as someone else. Throw away the middle language.
3. When you make a mistake or have a "bad" experience, think about what you learned from it.
- "Firing my first job was the first time I learned how to deal with a major professional setback."
- "Being criticized in front of my peers is how I learned to be my own cheerleader."
- "Typos are when I learn how to proofread emails."
- "Forgetting the kids at soccer practice was when I learned to add more buffers to my schedule."
This strategy helps us realize that even mistakes are beneficial in some way—we learn a lesson, gain a new skill, or gain a different perspective. When you can see your mistakes as opportunities to learnsomething, which removes some of the benefits of failure.
4. Write down what you did well (or "good") in this specific situation and what you did well in general.
When our inner critic is triggered, we automatically start focusing on all our weaknesses and faults. Your brain is a lot like a map - similar memories are closer to each other than different ones. Errors are thus closely related to other errors, making them easier to remember. Just as it takes longer to reach destinations further away on the map, it's also a bit harder to access memories other than the one you're experiencing right now. More difficult, but not impossible.
Take a moment to think carefully about what is going well (or "okay") in this situation and in life in general. My clients sometimes fear that if they don't self-criticize their mistakes, they will keep repeating them. Think about it: Does the criticism help you avoid the next mistake, or is it the change you made based on what you learned from your mistake? In other words, does calling yourself "stupid" help you remember to pick up the kids next time, or does looking at the clock and setting the alarm help? The goal here is not to just ignore mistakes and learn nothing. None! We must learn these lessons. The goal here is to balance critical thinking with remembering our strengths.
5.Reflect on what your core values are.
Google "list of core values', choose the three that are most important to you and reflect on how you are doing in these areas. Often the things that bother us have nothing to do with what is most important to us, so this strategy helps. It's hard to put all this into perspective. If you're worried that a stranger at the grocery store will think you look weird, consider whether that person's opinion is one of your core values. Is it unrelated to your health, child welfare, philanthropy, religion, etc.? If this person is not on your list of core values, focus on what is really important to you.
6.Divert your attention from how this task will benefit youofHow does it benefit the greater good.
This is especially helpful when your inner critic is already working on your case before you even get started. appearance,
- "You'll make a fool of yourself."
- "People will see right through you."
- "It will be a disaster."
These types of thoughts focus on how a situation or task affectsof- your self-esteem, how others see you, etc.
Refocus on how a situation or task affects people in general. E.g,
- Asking your boss for a raise is good for you to make more money, but it's good for the bigger picture as it closes the gender pay gap or drives the market for fairer wages for people in your industry.
- Giving this presentation may benefit you by contributing to your professional portfolio or improving your grades in the classroom, but it also benefits the greater good by sharing knowledge with the presenters.
This reorientation can help us break free and realize that these situations are just as important to other people as they are to ourselves., we tend to be more tolerant of mistakes and imperfections when contributing to others.
Toxic self-criticism handbook
If this helped you, you know what would be most helpful?A step-by-step workbook that guides you through the most proven strategies for silencing your inner critic.In this workbook I will provide activities and exercises to help you identify and eliminate your critics. Immerse yourself in 11 different activities to calm your inner critic.
Grab your workbook and shut up your inner critic
Next week I will give you tips on how to choose the right therapist. If you've always wanted to undergo a treatment but haven't dared to risk it yet,My 8 things to look for in your next therapist.Do not miss it.
talk to you later,
Dr. Finch
p.s. Remember, this is education, not therapy. Always consult with a psychologist or therapist about your mental health to determine what information and interventions are best for you. To seeDisclaimermore details.
